Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
