Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
