I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Say something about gay babies.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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