Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
