can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
