I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
