so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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