Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
