farters have to be the big spoon...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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