i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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