yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
