You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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