TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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