he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
