You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
