I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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