I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
