oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
