I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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