hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
