My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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