Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
