Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
