The maid of honor just puked.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
