is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
