Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
