You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
