i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
