Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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