who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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