Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
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All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
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Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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