I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
