i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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