i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
