I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
