she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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