I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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