see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
