My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
