Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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