Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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