When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
