i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
