he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
