My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
