you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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