I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
