Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
