Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
