we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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