sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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