yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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