all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i wish my penis had a tongue
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
