Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
