dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
