when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She needs sedatives and a leash
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
