Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
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The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
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I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize