I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
