Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
