You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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