she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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