You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
