I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
