I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
