yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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