Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
