So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
