the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
