I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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