the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
