I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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