I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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