Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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