my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Bring me that man meat
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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