Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
