Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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