Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
